Cindy - Version 2.0

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You probably have heard of how the year 2018 was a year of significant changes. Does it ring true to you? To me, it was a year when my life went upside down or perhaps, downside up? Not sure how much tears I have cried and how much alcohol I have consumed. All I knew was I have to heal. I was holding onto anything firm just to survive. My friends and family helped a lot, but there would be times when I would feel the big hole.

You know when you have spent your life with someone for a decade, and you both decided that it's not doing both of you good anymore, you got to part ways. That's what I went through. I had to swim against the current, away from my comfort zone and towards freedom, towards finding myself again and towards happiness.

As I moved forward, I have indeed experienced relief, a different kind of solace and ways on how to be happy. The door went wide-open, and I was lucky to get to know a lot of people and hear their stories. I have gone to many places - even traveled solo. I no longer need to ask anyone's permission - I can do anything and go anywhere - a very liberating experience.

Eight months later, I still struggled with loneliness but not as much anymore. I can now manage my expectations as well as my emotions. It gets better every single day especially when we welcomed the new year, I told myself that I have to do things better this time. We should be stronger and wiser in making choices. My priority is my happiness.

The first step to loving yourself, I realized, is getting to know oneself better. Sometimes I would spend my time alone, and I found it enjoyable - a breath of fresh air which is definitely a good sign. Now, I am slowly getting back to my old hobbies, while looking at it from a different perspective. I can't say I can do it better this time, because I am slowly immersing myself above the waters. I don't want to pressure myself. I just want to enjoy this gift that I got and make the most out of it.

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