Filipino Author. Traveller. Dreamer.

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Saturday, 11 October 2014

Dear Diary: Insanity and Guardian Angels

It has been a crazy and depressing week that I thought I wouldn't come out alive. 

Good thing is I survived. Thank God. Thank God for the little things that you sent me, I swear I couldn't have came out alive if the negative things and negative thoughts kept on coming out. Have you ever experience when your own thoughts started betraying you? I have experienced that, and I was afraid that I might cross the line to insanity. Usually, those thoughts will only come when I am about to sleep, but this time, it lasted for a week.

That feeling of giving up drowned me and I felt the panic, the strange feeling of confusion, I was scared. That time, I felt my life has no direction, I felt that my life was useless and senseless. I can't find the meaning of all my hard work, and the most scary of it all was the feeling that no one cared.

But I was lucky, my guardian angels were there when I needed them the most. My husband was there telling me everything will be alright, telling me not to listen to my thoughts and not to make any decisions. Thank God I didn't. My Mom and my sister to whom I have talked to were so effective in just being there. My sister was the best breather that I could tell her anything and she will say, do whatever that makes me happy. Happiness, after all is the most important thing. Then there's Mom who was ready to defend me... from my own self. One of those days, she called and told me she cooked something for me and that I should bring it to my husband. And by that gesture, I felt so loved and being cared for.

My friends who were just a call away helped me a lot. I met with them and talked to them with what I was feeling. And they made me feel that I wasn't alone at all. They felt the same loneliness, the same confusion and with that, I don't feel lonely anymore. Everything started to clear, everything started to make sense again.

I couldn't thank God enough. And now, I am feeling better, I am feeling strong again. I started looking at my goals straight to the eye. I am back to my normal self, confident with a lot of wisdom stored back to my mind, ready to use if needed, in case those thoughts attacked again. Knowing that I can be vulnerable but someone somewhere will catch me if I fall, made me stronger. I am feeling alive again.

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About Me

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I love traveling and being immersed with different cultures. It has cultivated my love for learning and has exposed me to different perspectives. I'm a travel specialist during the day, while writing has always been my first love (considering my love of books, of course). I am an editor of Lapis sa Kalye (Hindi ito ang normal mong nababasa)**a Facebook page which promotes Philippine Literature, one of the writers of the published book - **PENDULUM. I was also the Editor in Chief of our online magazine which published free literary works. I also post my works in Wattpad reaching more than 70k reads.

And when I need a real breather, I take pictures and edit them. I'm still developing my style in this area, I don't usually follow Photography rules, I just try to have fun along the way.

Adventure Time - Lady Rainicorn