Cindy's Sentiments (An Open Diary)



You might wonder why I sent you this newsletter about myself, I mean who am I, it‘s not like I‘m someone famous or something? (I’m just a self claimed artist/ writer, okay I’ll shut up now.)

Seriously speaking, I see this as a way to reach out to my friends, to  update them with my life‘s happenings and daily sentiments. With the busy life we’re living in this modernized world, sometimes it’s just impossible to sit down and talk face to face with your favorite people in the world? With all the piled works in the office and with the dishes that needs to be watched at home, the only thing I can do is sit down and stare at the laptop until sleep come.

The problem comes when my head gets so noisy that it will burst for sure, if I don’t do anything about it. I’ve been best friends with the alphabet and they let me use them to just extract my brain until I feel peace inside me.

This newsletter (and the future newsletters you will receive hopefully every month) consists of my story. I really don’t expect you to read the whole 8 pages, but I will be very glad if you can send me some feedbacks to improve how I write, or maybe you can send me your own newsletter too! Either way, I will be forever grateful.


There was a time when I promised myself to take a little nap (just a little) and after that I will certainly work on my zine. I've been wanting to make a zine two weeks ago but due to my very busy work schedules, I get very tired by the evening and always ended up unproductive. This time though was no different. I went to bed for a little nap but woke up by 11 pm. I realized I left the tv on, but decided to close my eyes for a minute or so. When I woke up, it's already 1 am. I don't know what has gotten into me, but again I closed my eyes, finally waking up by 4 am. By that time, I can hear the program on tv about witches which I guess scared a hell out of me so I finally decided to wake up. I immediately went to the living room and change the channel. I was thinking if I should get back to sleep, but decided not to. I tried to fully wake myself instead. I browsed facebook (yes, reading my newsfeed really wakes me up), when I felt better, I got the broom and started sweeping the floor. I really had a nice sleep, a nice dream too. I've dreamed about Mac and I living in the Philippines and just messing around, I can't remember much of it, but it definitely left me a feeling of nostalgia and happiness. I cleaned the house and decided to take a cool bath, after all summer's already here. While at the bathroom, I think of cooking something special. This is a special day for me because this is the first time that I woke up very early, so different from my usual waking time. I remember the times when I was still living in the Philippines, people would wake up by 5- 6 am with the sound of rooster's crow and with the aroma of hot coffee. I really miss those times. Here in Hong Kong, I don't think people would sit down for a while to experience the morning, for sure, they would rather rush to work (I must admit that includes me). Most of the times though they actually don't wash their hair in the morning, so when I take the train, I'm the only one with the wet hair look, or they must have the hair dryer at home.

After taking that bath, I went to the market which is open twenty four hours and purchased the much needed ingredients for my planned breakfast. When I got home, I remembered the usb I found days ago. I knew this is the right time for me to listen to those opm songs. The opm songs which we used to listen to probably five years ago, when I was still eighteen. Songs by: Parokya ni Edgar, Callalily, Kamikazee, Moonstar 88, Rivermaya and MYMP are just so refreshing. Suddenly here comes the flash backs of yesterdays. I just can't help it, it seemed like these memories were included in what the usb is playing. It's a ME time which I don't get all the time and I just love the feeling of having peace of myself, this feeling that whatever positions in yoga can't bring. It's the best stress reliever. The songs reminds me of my High School and College days although I didn't really finish College because I have to go to Hong Kong.  I'm twenty two years old but I feel like I'm five years older.

Sometimes when you look back to your own memories, it helps you recognize who you were. Changes eventually will happen to your life, to yourself, to your attitudes, to your dreams but wouldn't it be great if you remember who you were before, sometimes who you were before is what you preferred to be. It's not that I'm not happy with what I have now, I live with my husband in our own home and I have a career, but sometimes I can't help but wish that things are much simpler.

When Appendicitis Strikes

Mac and I were laying on the bed, getting ready to sleep in the heat of the afternoon, one Sunday when I asked him where his stitches are. I am pointing out the stitch he got when he went into an operation because of appendicitis four years ago. He lift his shirt up and shows me the left side situated in the  right side of his abdomen. (I'm really not good with anatomy so
you can just google where it is, haha). I asked him how was the  operation, he told me this story a long time ago but I wanted to hear it again. Sometimes when couple talks about same topics over and over again, somehow, your perception with the said topic will connect you, I guess. Anyway he went on the story, this time, a different version. He remembered just eating some fish crackers and after that he can feel a sharp pain from the right side of his abdomen, very painful indeed that he can't straighten his whole body up. He asked for help from his sister and Father but his Father decided to observe until morning, when Mac already feel like dying. They finally got him into the hospital and although the doctor adviced that the operation must be done as soon as possible, his Father wanted to wait and Mac felt really disgusted.  And after a couple of hours, finally his Father agreed with the operation. I, on the other hand, already in Hong Kong tried calling his cellphone but nobody answered. I was worried, who knows what happened to him.

That moment I asked him, why he haven't called and he answered, "I don't wanna bother you."

"Right, huh? You didn't know how it was hard for me, at first I thought you were asleep but as the day goes, no call from you and I didn't know what to think! You're ridiculous!" I almost hit him with a pillow beside me.

Going back to that fateful day, I just learned the incident from his sister who finally answered his mobile phone after his operation. They were all at the hospital and nobody bothered bringing the phone, I can't blame them either. It will be the last thing in my mind too especially when I feel like dying. When I learned about it, I have wanted to go home. If only somebody lend me money that day, I would have book a ticket to Manila. My colleagues told me not to go as my pressence will not help, I felt really bad at that time. I can't do anything. Looking back from where we are now, I am just so thankful. I remember crying and Mom telling me that everything will be alright. Long distance relationships sucks big time!

Mac remembered waking up at the midst of the operation, he can feel some tickling in his stomach, he wished he stayed asleep. Anesthesia helped with the pain so after forcing himself to sleep, he finally does. Operation went successful, I almost went hysterical but he assured me on the phone that everything is fine now. It took Mac a month to recover. He surely can't accept the fact that eating fish crackers caused it, we both laugh at that fact now. He aslo told me to be cautious, told me not to run after a meal. I told him that, that will be not possible for me because I'm very careful. That was one of the sad moments of our lives, a moment when we can't do anything but to pray that everything will turn out fine.

Traveling to the moon and back!

This coming December Mac and I will go to Cebu and maybe take some route to Puerto Princesa where the Underground river, a UNESCO Heritage Site can be found. I am very much excited.

For the first time in five years I am going to spend Christmas in the Philippines. It’s very much important to me, for it reminds me of my childhood. You see, Christmas in Hong Kong is boring. In the Philippines, you get to sing carols, you get to have a Noche Buena where all the members of the family will help with the cooking and not
just eat outside. Where loud music is playing and people are all merry.
I would like to experience that care free feeling again and I just can’t wait to be with the warmth of my family, along with the endless laughter of each member while the lights are playfully dancing with the moon.

October and Books!

Do you know that I’m turning 23 next month? I still don’t have any plans, though. Since nobody can’t accompany me to Bangkok, I guess I would just stick with home and movie marathon, perhaps? Don’t worry this is not an article asking you for some gifts. But you know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking of printing couple of copies of my book, yes you’ve read it right, I have written a book. I’m a desperate writer, I should say. Unfortunately,  I haven’t gained enough confidence of submitting to a publishing company. I also have learned that it will take years before you get published in the Philippines.
The story behind this ‘publishing book thing’ happened six years ago. I can still remember how I have written my to do list in this world before I die. The list consist of places I will travel, the food I will learn to cook, the language I will learn and many more. One accomplishment also includes publishing a book. I have already inquire the cost of printing, it’s indeed expensive but I will be willing to send you a copy if you want to read it. Just send me an email, I guess. Anyway, I’m cutting this newsletter short. I hope you enjoyed reading and I pray that you look forward to the next one.  Thank you for reading!

XOXO - CindyWongDelaCruz


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