kung ako ikaw eh papakalayo ako
hangang sa ang mga paa ko ay mapako
sa sobrang pagod at sobrang pagkahapo.
pero wag ka masyadong papakalayo
dahil ayaw ko mawala sa tabi mo,
siguro mga 3 metro lang o apat
basta makita ka lang ay sapat.
di ko alam kung ano ang reaksyon mo?
kung nakangiti ka o nakababa ang ngiti mo.
di ko alam kung natawa ka di ko alam kung nangawa ka.
ano ba?bakit ba?kaya pala
saan ba ito mapupunta.
teka teka cr lang ako ,
sapagkat natatae ako.
hangang sa ang mga paa ko ay mapako
sa sobrang pagod at sobrang pagkahapo.
pero wag ka masyadong papakalayo
dahil ayaw ko mawala sa tabi mo,
siguro mga 3 metro lang o apat
basta makita ka lang ay sapat.
di ko alam kung ano ang reaksyon mo?
kung nakangiti ka o nakababa ang ngiti mo.
di ko alam kung natawa ka di ko alam kung nangawa ka.
ano ba?bakit ba?kaya pala
saan ba ito mapupunta.
teka teka cr lang ako ,
sapagkat natatae ako.
Anyway highschool can be a bit cruel sometimes. Naging seatmate ko Cedric na palagi na lang ako inaaasar. Pinagtatawanan ako pag hindi ako nakakasagot, tinatago ang sapatos ko, at kung anu ano pa. To the point na halos maiyak ako sa mga pinagagagawa niya. Naalala ko si James, kung kami pa sana at magclassmate sana kami, wala siguro nangaaway sa akin ngayon. Pero wala na kami, at isa pa iba na ang section niya. Naging crush ko naman this time si Jerry, magaling sa Math, cute at cute at cute. Moreno siya, medyo singkit ang mata, tapos ang sarap tingnan ng mga labi. Nalaman ko na crush niya ako at well, nalaman niya na crush ko siya. Pero sabi ko nga highschool is cruel. Hindi na kami nagkakilanlan pa, dahil may napapabalita na may crush daw siya kay Joice na isa sa mga classmates ko. Maraming ka tropa si Joyce na bahagi ng mga popular groups. You know how highschool are, too many categories. So ako naman doon ako sa grupong hindi popular. Haha, ayoko ng dagdagan ang descritption ko sa grupo na yan at baka may umalma pa. Anyway may pangalan naman ang grupo namin: Tropang Ungas. Saan ka pa?
Back to Joyce, tama bang harangin nila ako paglabas ko ng classroom para lang tanungin kung may gusto ako kay Jerry? Buti na lang at kasama ko doon ang katropa kong si Isaac. "Siya ang ka MU ko Joyce, don't worry." sabi ko na lang. "May itatanong pa ba kayo sa akin?"
"Hindi, sige pwede ka ng umalis." aniya. Naasar man ako sa mga sinabi niya tuluyan ko ng isinara sa pagiisip ko na magkakagusto pa sa akin si Jerry. It's all a stupid crush anyway. Sa paglalakad naman namin ni Isaac, tinanong niya ako kung totoo daw ba ang sinabi ko na siya ang ka MU ko. Nakalimutan ko naman na may gusto talaga siya sa akin. Lang ya naman o. Pero bakit ba hindi ko muna ibaling sa iba ang atensyon ko? Para naman hindi ako mukhang tanga dito na basta basta na lang nahaharang. Need to get myself a boyfriend once again.
"Kung gusto mo pwede maging tayo." Tuluyan ko ng binago ang pakikipag deal ko sa isang relasyon. Ayoko ng mahiya. Gusto ko ng ipakita ang totoong ako.
"Talaga?" Tumango lang ako. Mas matangkad ako kay Isaac, bilog ang mukha niya pero hindi mo naman masasabing mataba siya. Moreno ang balat niya at pulang pula naman ang mga labi. Tulad ni James ay katchupoy, yung may hati sa gitna ang buhok niya. Kung kami ni James ay nagtatawagan isang beses sa isang linggo kami naman ni Isaac ay nagsusulatan araw araw. Kung kaya naman no wonder nagsawa ako after two weeks at nakipag break ako sa kanya. Wala naman kasi kaming ginawa maghapon sa classroom kung hindi magpasahan ng note na puro pagmamahal ang nilalaman tulang ng ganito:
"Jhelyn, mahal na mahal kita, ang mga mata mo ay sing ning ning ng mga bituin sa langit. Mamaya sabay tayo kain ah. Ano food mo? May dala pala akong ensaymada for you. PS: Wag mo ipasa kay Cath, parang binabasa niya eh. Mwah mwah... blah blah blah".
Nag concentrate na lamang ako sa pagaaral ko. Ayoko na munang mag boyfriend hanggat di pa talaga ako nafo- fall. Mahirap na, napakahirap magkamali.
Halos lumipas ang buong first year highschool ko na walang nangyayari sa love life ko. I focused on my studies na medyo napapabayaan ko. Love and studies can't just go together. Or so I thought.
"Cindy para sayo daw." sabi ng Home Economics teacher namin. Tumayo naman ako agad at lumabas. Sino naman kaya ang taong ito at sa gitna ng klase ay inistorbo pa ako. Paglabas ko ay nakita ko si Daniel, kaklase ko siya noong grade 5 kami, matangkad siya at singkit ang mga mata, semi kalbo naman ang hairstyle niya. Hawak hawak niya ang isang rose na naka wrap na binebenta sa may labas ng school kanina. Kasama niya ang isa naming schoolmate na hindi pamilyar sa akin ang pangalan.
"Jhea, happy valentines daw." pangunang bati ng kasama ni Daniel, si Daniel naman ay nakangiti lamang habang inaabot ang bulaklak.
"Happy Valenties." sabi ko naman. "Akin ba 'to? Thank you ah."
"Oo para sayo yan." sabi niya, nakangiti pa din.
"Sige papasok na ako, may klase pa kami eh." Pumasok nga ako sa loob ng classroom at kahit itago ko ang hawak kong bulaklak ay may nakapag report pa din kay James na may nagbigay sa akin ng bulaklak. Hindi lang yun ang huling bulaklak na natanggap ko, nakatanggap din ako mula kay Martin. Binigay niya sa akin yun nung nasa may schoolbus na kami at pauwi na.
Noong graduation namin sa gradeschool, hindi ko na inisip kung paano kami magkikita ni James. Para sa akin ganito pala ang magkaboyfriend. May tawag ka isang beses sa isang linggo, may regalo ka pag merong okasyon, meron ka ding halik sa pisngi. At ang pinaka okay sa lahat ay meron kang tagabitbit ng malaki mong bag. Eto siguro ang puppy love na kahit hindi naman kayo madalas na naguusap, ay nagkakaunawaan kayo.
"Diyan ka pa din naman magaaral sa highschool di ba?" tanong niya sa akin pagkatapos ng graduation na ginanap sa gymnasium. Bumalik kasi kami sa classroom para isoli ang nirentahang toga.
"Oo naman." sagot ko.
"Tawagan na lang kita ah." sabi niya. Wala naman kasi silang telepono kaya siya lang ang pwedeng tumawag sa akin. At wala din naman akong cellphone para itext siya.
Dumating ang Abril at Mayo. Nagkaroon ako ng crush sa isang kapitbahay namin. Ricky ang pangalan niya, moreno, makulit, madaldal (kahit hindi pa kami naguusap, yan lang ang paglalarawan ng Mommy ko dahil madalas silang dalawa ang nagkwe kwentuhan). Siya yung tipong bad boy ang dating sa akin. Kinikilig ako pag sa tuwing nakikita ko siya sa may labas ng bahay namin. Tama ba ito Jhea? Although hindi naman siya magtatagal sa bahay na Aling Susana dahil naman nagbabakasyon lang siya, ewan ko pero parang gusto ko ng makipag break kay James na isang beses lang sa isang linggo kung tumawag.
"Pustahan tayo Jhea, tatawag sa akin si James bukas." sabi ko sa kapatid ko na natutulog sa kabilang kama.
"Matagal na siyang hindi tumatawag sayo ah. Lampas isang linggo na din. Pero sige pag hindi siya tumawag, akin na lang yung ice cream na tira mo kanina, pero pag nanalo ka susundi ko ang utos mo sa loob ng isang araw."
"Okay deal." sabi ko.
Kinabukasan, monthsary namin, alam kong tatawag siya dahil hindi naman siya pumapalya sa pagtawag pag sa tuwing monthsary namin. Naghintay ako hanggang alas nwebe ng gabi pero walang tawag na dumating para sa akin. Nainis ako. Bakit ganoon? Bakit hindi siya nakatawag?
The night ends up na lang na kinakain ng kapatid ko ang strawberry icecream ko na tinipid tipid ko pa para sa susunod na araw. Nakatulog na lamang ako na iniisip kung paano ako makikipag break kay James. Mahiyain ako, oo at napakalaking pagsubok sa akin kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya na ayoko na.
After two days ay tumawag na nga siya. Hindi daw siya nakatawag noong monthsary namin dahil nasa Zambales daw silang magkakapamilya at wala daw siyang pera pangtawag. "May sasabihin sana ako sayo eh."
"Sige okay lang may ten minutes pa naman tayo, ano ba yun?" sabi niya.
"Hmm, mag break na tayo kasi nahihirapan ako sa ating dalawa." walang emosyon kong sabi.
"Ha? Sigurado ka?"
"Uhm, oo."
"O sige." matapos lamang ang ilang sandali ay binaba na din namin ang telepono. Tapos. Tapos na ang aming relasyon. Yun na pala yun. Ni wala man lang akong narandamang sakit. Ganoon lang pala kadali ang makipag break, pero sa totoo lang hindi ko maiwasang makonsensya dahil mukhang malungkot ang boses niya pagkababa namin. Sinubukan ko na lamang burahin sa isip ko ang konsensya na iyon, ang importante, malaya na ako.
Super kinikilig talaga ako pag nakikita ko si Ricky. I spent the rest of my summer looking at the window, baka kasi matyempuhan ko siya. Pag hindi ko siya nakikita sa kwarto lang ako nagbabasa ng mga pocketbooks. Nawiwili na din si Jhea magbasa ng libro, pero hindi ko naman nakikita ang apekto sa kanya. Siguro talagang wala lang siyang magawa. Hindi nagtagal ay natapos din ang summer, and school will start. Nakita kong may dala dalang malaking bag si Ricky, aalis na siya. Malamang ay uuwi na dahil magsisimula na ang klase sa susunod na linggo. Nalungkot ako, tapos na pala ang summer fling ko. Tapos na ang pagsilip silip ko sa bintana at tapos na din ang excitement. "Tita," tawag niya sa Mommy ko. "Pakisabi na lang kina Jhelyn aalis na ako." Tama ba ang naririnig ko? Binanggit niya ang pangalan ko! Ibig sabihin kilala niya ako! Gosh! Nalungkot man ako sa pag alis niya, natuwa naman ako sa pagbanggit niya sa pangalan ko.
"nay bili mo ko niyan"
paboritong wika mo,
pabili ka ng ganyan,pabili ka ng ganito,
puros luho ang hinihingi sa nanay mo.
Habang ikaw naka de-camerang telepono,
at mahal ang suot na damit,
siya nama'y lumang luma ang suot at nagmumukang yagit.
pabili ka ng ganyan,pabili ka ng ganito.
naiisip mo ba ang nanay mo?
na kayod kabayo kung magtrabaho,
habang ika'y lustay ng lustay pang bili ng luho mo.
kumakain ka sa mamahaling restaurant kasama ang
mayayamang kaibigan mo,
habang ang nanay mo'y sa carinderia lang pumapatay ng gutom.
kwarto mo naka t.v, aircon at malaking kama,
habang ang nanay mo ay sa papag lang.
ikaw. buhay sosyalera sa maynila,
habang siya. isang tagapaglingkod sa hacienda,
kung umasta ka parang anak mayaman,
ngunit ang utak mo'y walang laman.
Nagsisikap siya para sa pag-aaral mo,
habang ikaw.ang para sa pang-aral mo,pinapang inom mo!
bili moko niyan, bili moko nito.
Nanay mo nagsusumikap umahon.
pero ikaw?....patuloy sa pagbaon.
from: http://cuteboredom.blogspot.com/
paboritong wika mo,
pabili ka ng ganyan,pabili ka ng ganito,
puros luho ang hinihingi sa nanay mo.
Habang ikaw naka de-camerang telepono,
at mahal ang suot na damit,
siya nama'y lumang luma ang suot at nagmumukang yagit.
pabili ka ng ganyan,pabili ka ng ganito.
naiisip mo ba ang nanay mo?
na kayod kabayo kung magtrabaho,
habang ika'y lustay ng lustay pang bili ng luho mo.
kumakain ka sa mamahaling restaurant kasama ang
mayayamang kaibigan mo,
habang ang nanay mo'y sa carinderia lang pumapatay ng gutom.
kwarto mo naka t.v, aircon at malaking kama,
habang ang nanay mo ay sa papag lang.
ikaw. buhay sosyalera sa maynila,
habang siya. isang tagapaglingkod sa hacienda,
kung umasta ka parang anak mayaman,
ngunit ang utak mo'y walang laman.
Nagsisikap siya para sa pag-aaral mo,
habang ikaw.ang para sa pang-aral mo,pinapang inom mo!
bili moko niyan, bili moko nito.
Nanay mo nagsusumikap umahon.
pero ikaw?....patuloy sa pagbaon.
from: http://cuteboredom.blogspot.com/
Her name, as far as I’m concerned is not a stage name, is Jennifer but she said to just call her Jenny. She was really beautiful. The guests would have to go VIP to be with her. She was tall (5’8″), slender, long legged, silky white skin, no dark spots on her elbows or knees, long, straight and dark hair, and her brown eyes can mesmerize you. You won’t really notice it at first but she’s got a handful for her chest size. She’s very curvy; really model-like.
She was wearing a black cocktail dress that skips the shoulders and a few inches above the knee. It fit her image perfectly. You’d think she was one of the customers if you wouldn’t ask her yourself.
She was only 24 years old and she’s been working for 3 years now. She’s a unica hija and she told me she ended up living alone after her mom and her had a fight about this American and she ran away. She told mer her story.
They’ve always lived in Manila since she was born. They had a neat house along Vicente Cruz. She was blessed to have really beautiful skin thanks to her mom’s complexion. It’s sad that her father died of lung cancer when she was 17. It was due to much exposure to harsh pollution with him being an MMDA officer.
With his death, and her mom being a normal housewife, they eventually lost their only source of income and had to sell their house. They had to live with her father’s friends in Cubao. After some time her mom met and fell in love with this American. Their meeting was nothing short of fated: he was just there to ask her for directions when she was out looking for a decent job. Since the American was alone in the country, he asked them to live with him in his apartment as his “family”.
They later found out that this American had a wife back in the states. That was no problem for them though. They only needed a source of income and her mom would tell Jenny that he’ll support her and her mom.
After some time, Jenny would catch her mom playing slave for this man. She’d always end up screaming at her mom who, as she would say, “nagmumukhang aso sa pagsunod nya sa amo”. She didn’t like the fact that her mom has to be like that just for them to survive. She eventually got fed up and ran away from home. From her neighbors, she found out that her mom went with the American and left for Singapore some time after she ran away.
Jenny only finished high school and didn’t really have anywhere else to turn to except her bestfriend who lived in an apartment in TAFT and was working as a saleslady at Robinson’s Ermita. She was 18 then and her friend got her a job there, also as a saleslady. She met her first love and experienced her “first time”. It would be 3 years before her first BF would leave her for another woman; her best friend. She got so distraught that she quit her job and left her best friend’s apartment out into the world of being alone.
She lived in a cheap apartment along Quezon city for a few weeks with the money she saved. After realizing the problems she would eventually have with money, she knew she had to get another job ASAP.
She went out looking for it in Tomas Morato at around 2 pm a few days later when she spotted a familiar face waving at her. It was her childhood friend Marisa. Marisa told her of this opening in this club and told her she’s qualified for it if she needs a job right now. It was easy pay, with a lot of customers giving excessive tips every night. The nature of the job? Dancer, entertainer, and masseuse. But the real money comes from the “special service”.
Looking at her past (Broken family, no lover, no best friend, no education, no job) she couldn’t give a damn on what happens in her life from then on. She went ahead and accepted the job offered to her. She eventually lived with Marisa who happens to be renting a decent apartment at Quezon city.
Jenny told me that working in a bar isn’t that hard as opposed to the salary and extra income they earn on a nightly basis. She told me she would earn 5 times her monthly salary in just 1 week if she gets lucky.
As for her special service, I asked her how it felt like to have sex with strangers and jackasses and she told me she only had it different on her first time as a prostitute but, as with routines, she got used to it. She started regularly priced but as soon as she became in demand, she was able to multiply it ten fold. She told me “Kung may gagalaw sa’yo, yung alam mong handang malaki ang ibabayad diba?”. She once told me she made a foreigner pay her 25k for one night.
There were some who would be really rough with her but most treated her as if she was their girlfriend; their lover. Sometimes she feels like her life was being choked out of her and how she was just used like some thing that can be thrown away after but she said she didn’t mind. It’s a fantasy their living out and they’re paying for it. Some would “rent” her and her friend as “package deals”. But she wouldn’t dare be involved in a gangbang. She once was asked to service four businessmen and they would pay her generously but she just didn’t like it. She tells me she only likes sex with one man. With women though, she said she didn’t mind it when two lesbians tried her.
She told me she has her regrets but she also tells me regretting wouldn’t put food in my plate. She knew she would become a whore the moment she said yes to Marisa. I told her how she could’ve been a model or something like that but she told me she felt “real” since she started working as a bar girl. She told me this job was meant for her and she wouldn’t mind working as long as the money’s flowing.
I asked her “Kelan mo balak mag quit?” She said she was saving up and plans to get her and friends to run a small business. She said she has no idea what kind of business though but she has had this plan since she started working. “Ah basta. Yung tipong mabubuhay na kami ng matiwasay; yung malayo sa mga ganitong lugar.” she said. “Pwede din kung may matinong lalaking magpapakasal sa’kin.” she added.
I would’ve asked her to tell me more but a woman came out and told Jenny someone was asking for her and she told her it was her favorite customer. Jenny said she’ll be in there in 5 minutes. She looked at me with a very exciting smile and a little giggle.
“Boyfriend ko ‘yun!” she proudly said. “Pinapaalis na nya ‘ko sa work ko pero sabi ko tatapusin ko lang yung contract ko. Di na nga ako nagpapa special service kasi sabi nya sya na lang daw ang bahalang bumuhay sa’kin. Ilang buwan pa lang kami pero committed na sya. Kung okay ang lahat, sana pakasalan nya ‘ko. Di ko lang alam kung anu ang masasabi ng pamilya nya sa’kin; di pa kasi nila alam. Ang friends nya alam nila bargirl lang ang talagang trabaho ko. Siguro di ko na lang din sasabihin. Ihahanap daw nya ‘ko ng ibang trabaho.”
I told her I was a bit surprised to know how this man loved her so much despite her past. I could tell just by the looks of her eyes that she was very in love with this man. In the end, I told her “Ayos! At least kahit papaano diba? Kahit nagkanda sira-sira ang buhay mo noon eh okay naman pala sa huli.” She told me she realized the very same thing. “Talagang mahal pa rin ako ng Diyos kahit nagkaganito ako at ang buhay ko. Kaya kahit na naging pokpok ako, malakas ang faith ko. Diba, mapagpatawad si God?” she added.
“O sige, mauna na’ko. Baka magtaka yun kung bakit ang tagal ng 5 minutes ko!” she said as she stood up and walked toward the entrance. She then turned around and asked “Di ka ba papasok?” I shook my head and refused her offer. She waved goodbye, faced the entrance and walked inside. That was the last time I ever saw her.
I looked up my watch and saw it was already 12:30 AM. I didn’t realize we spent 2 hours talking. Hearing her story really literally made the time fly. After thinking about what she just told me, after reflecting on her story, I got up and made my way home.
From what she told me, I saw how she was much better than other women who were virgin or were conservative. I realized that it’s not a job that makes you special; it’s how special you think you are. I’ll always remember this story. The little time we spent will always be memorable. It’s a special event in my life already.
But you know what makes it even more special? It’s that for a moment there, as I sat across the table, admiring the chair she left, imagining her still sitting there smiling at me, I knew I was in love with her.
The first month from the academy came through and was done. Weekend—I jilted off from the sunny room I had. My back was hurting.
Must be the bed. I thought to myself.
The phone rings and as I picked it up and saw the name on the screen; I didn’t know how to took it up and talk to the caller. But respect won over.
“ Father?”
“ What took you so long to pick up the phone?”
“ I apologize, father. Is there something that you need?” I said lazily.
“ Je vous ai entendu ont ete blesses a lecole?” I knew it. He already heard about the incident took place.
“ Je vais bien, ma pere.” I assured the safety of my life.
“ N’est pas le temps de laisser les Chevogn etre meprise.” I knew he was being protective again even his words do not compel the temper from being scorned. But these means that he will take actions.
“ S’il vous plait, Ma Pere. Je vous en pue, n’interferent pas.”
“ Non, Mademoiselle.” His words rose up and it was a dangerous time to take everything lightly.” Je vais garder un o’eil sur vous.”
I bit my lip. I should never underestimate his clause on my borders. None at this time that there could be more sufficient to exude his temper. This was a worse possible but the worst is still to come.
“ Father?” I asked in a lower voice.
He remained to be silent.
“ I’m so sorry, Father.” I sighed then continue. “I didn’t mean to involve you in this. And I promise to be careful enough and to take care of myself.”
“ I don’t know what has gotten into your mind that you actually lose the control to take the circumstances into your palm. And I never intended that you be known as the person you want to be.” He took a sigh, “ I actually questioned myself whether I have been wrong in raising you.”
“ Dad, please, don’t think it that way. That doesn’t concern you. I have chose this path and I am not blaming you for this miseries.”
“ You can’t take it away from me. I am your Father. It is necessary and my responsibility to be fretting about you. And as much as possible, I want you to be out of that land.” His voice softened.
I knew he was reminiscing his old times—a memory he couldn’t forget or even hide off.
“ Dad.”
“ Just come home.”
“ Dad, I want to see her grave. “
“ No!” He shrieked.
“ But Dad…”
“ I said, NO. That’s final or I’ll haul you back.” He insisted. His words are the law and a law for us to follow.
And talking even her grave gave me a shuddering look, sympathy and pain on my heart for my Dad. He seemed to not be able to accept the death even for seventeen years.
“ I love you Dad and I respect you. “
“ Should I be afraid of what you’re saying? It is of a grave warning foretold to me every time you say them.”
I smiled. “ Dad, it is. I love you.”
“ Thank you, sweetheart.”
Silence came surging in.
“ He’s there.”
A familiar feeling came filling my heart—fear and the want to overcome the urge to see him. But knowing the pain he had caused so much for me, resentment won over.
“ Quiest-ce? What is he doing here?” I swallowed.
“ Do not fret. I told him to stay away from you.”
Hearing my father do these things, I didn’t know if I want it that way or is it pain that I was feeling that slices my bleeding heart.
“ T-Thank you.” I answered unknowingly.
“ You sure, you don’t want the both of you to settle everything?”
I shook my head like he was there in front of me. “ No.”
“ Okay.”
Our conversation goes on toward his job and my new responsibility. Too little, too late but still I felt I was in the nick of his power.
The days soon came and go. There are a few changes, almost a bit of it. Students do not come and bargain themselves to exude their branded life. And they come for me—to exchange smiles. And I was happy enough. Katie and I seem to be good enough. But one thing that didn’t change, I was the same student whom everyone does not seem to get through with. I mean, Cathrine was the person, they would still avoid off when necessary. Was it respect or out of disgust? Whatever it is, I gladly accept the label; after all, I knew what’s going on in my life. I didn’t need to let them the branded life be a favor for them to join their little amusements.
“ Ms. Chevogn, the President wanted to see you after the classes.” My professor announced it to the whole class. Stunned like every one in the class, I nodded in agreement.
“ No, Sire!” I stood up on the sofa chair.
The president wanted me to be part of the school organization—no, that’s more of that. He wants me to be known, superior to the Student President.
“ It is really necessary, Mademoiselle. I couldn’t take lightly the possibility that you are being disposed of the…
“I do not wish to be exposed—that you can be amazed of.” I snapped at him. “ I apologize, but I cannot accept it.”
“ But you need the protection..”
“ I can take care of myself. Thank you for worrying but I can handle on my own.” I turned back. “ If there isn’t something that you can tell me more important, I need to go. I still have a class. I apologize for the exude behavior. “ I bowed lightly.
“ I won’t take it back. I’ll give you enough days to think about it, but that is already final.”
I tightly closed my eyes and walked back out of the place. I took a deep sighed and took out the phone.
“ Dad,” Finally he took time with the phone. “ Was this your doing?”
“ What is it my dear?” he was recalling. “ Ah, so my dear friend finally talked about you.”
“ My goodness, Father!” I exclaimed. “ You are not supposed to do those things.”
“ You can’t tell me what am I supposed to do. I am your Father.” His voice went up.
“ I didn’t mean it that way but you could have consulted me first. Beside, you’re putting me into a more grave danger.”
“ What in the name of Merlin’s beard are you trying to say? “
“ Dad…”
“ Are you being threatened? Someone’s hurting you? Why didn’t you…”
” Dad…”
” Dad…”
“ Tell me about it?”
“ Dad…Wait up.”
Father was worrying almost everything now. He continued talking something I am not sure about.
" Dad!" I yelled at him. " Please, stop this thick witted argument you are imposing. It's not worth it. So please just hear me out." I begged him. He wouldn't stop being outraged.
" Dad " I started. " If this has to do with you I beg you to call off your agreement with him. I appreciate your feelings and the worries you are paying for me but it isn't necessary. I do not wish to enjoy the game of chess in the Academy. No worse than the pawn ready at their disposal anytime.
Perhaps, you were right when you said I didn't need to come along. parents know what's best for their children."
" So are you saying, you are giving up? I thought you said you can do things on your own? I didn't raise you to be a failure." He said.
" I didn't said it is a failure and you should know me. The harder it gets, the more I become eager to finish it." I smiled and as my mind was processing the things.
Dad nailed it again. He was able to convince me again. I breathed. It is always common for Dad to revert the problem back to me--make me realize the pros and cons of the actions and briefly orient on the outcome. Dad had the talent to persuade without getting yourself feel being manipulated.
" All right, Dad. My answer is only this, the place is just polluted and I was the only person available to clean up the mess. Satisfied now?"
I heard him laugh. " Vous êtes un vrai Chevogn."
I wonder what fire have I started to kindle.
A week had barely passed. I gained acquaintances—Myshcka Demoure and Danielle Shein, two ladies who have joined my little game. But Shein doesn’t know still. She trusted the President’s rendezvous towards me—I don’t know where she got that little faith on him.
It was already twilight when I got back home.
I went directly to the kitchen and made some fruit parfaits.
“ Mademoiselle, a few papers had arrived from France.”
Father. I thought. He started his own vindication against me.
The next was the same—going to the academy and held myself as the same student like them.
“ Cathrine, do you mind hanging around after classes?” It was Myshcka who called my attention. Both of us were in the Fountain Square.
“ Glad to join you.” I uttered. “ Is she okay?” I turned to ask about the gloomy aura Danie had.
She shook her head. “ She’s still dreading on it.”
My eyes caught Fukusawa. Has it been me that I felt he was ignoring me? After the conversation we had on my first day, he hasn’t talk to me again. He keeps on slipping away whenever I’m around—or maybe he knew who I am. I shrugged at the idea. That would be impossible. The academy should know by now and it would be the talk of the town.
“ Weird guy.” I heard Myshcka.
“ Pardon?” I ask her.
“ I don’t know what’s gotten into Fukusawa. He’s spacing out lately and he hasn’t been around us—Katie, Danie and I, I mean.”
I knew he was acting strange.
“ Perhaps, it’s me. The reason why he won’t come around was me. Even your friend Ms. Han doesn’t come with you. It might have been me.” I told her. I don’t want to cause trouble to them.
“ Katie isn’t that kind of person. I know she has been rude around you but she’s really kind. My guess is that she’s having a difficult time. She’s the equestrian Captain and also the Editor of the school’s Paper. Fukusawa isn’t like that as well. He’s really friendly and so generous. Usually he comes around to introduce himself and become everyone’s friend. That makes him pretty popular and mostly girls like him.”
“ My presence is a bother. They’ve been different since I came around.” There’s no doubt, it might be me that everyone has been like that. Just for a simple game everyone acts differently, that’s the power of being superior—as what Fukusawa says.
Superior?
What gave him an idea that he belongs to that kind? His reasoning was neutral but the word that he implied such as ‘us’ made him vulnerable to become part of it. Wealth is just a tool for him. His aim was more hostile—Power.
The day ended. Just as Myshcka requested, I came with her.
“ Nice car.” I commented on her 911 Turbo.
“ Thanks.” She beamed. “ You like cars as well?”
“ Quite but not really.”
He was the one who generally like cars.
I was surprised at myself. Why do I unconsciously think of that person?
“Something’s bothering you?” She noticed my sudden silence.
I shook my head. “ No. Where are we heading to?”
“ Let’s take you to the busy streets of Tokyo.” She roared the engine.
“ Wow!” I was awed by the new place I had been. “ Tokyo has changed a lot.”
“ You’ve been to Tokyo before?” she asked as she pulled off near a Café.
“ Yes, about five years though.” I answered here.
I was here before with my Father of course. It has changed so much. From my memory, it has not been like a crowded place like this—no gigantic buildings like this and it was the least favorite among the cities I went in. I could tell, it’s like New York.
“ Come on, they’re inside.”
“ Who?” I asked.
“ You’ll meet them.” And she smiled as we got off.
Danielle Shein was there but also Katie Han and Li Fukusawa too. Upon greeting them, I saw the tension built around. Katie wasn’t the least happy about this meeting and Fukusawa was uneasy.
“ So, no one really wanted to say a thing? Or are we to stare at each other until tomorrow?” Myshcka came with a tray on her hand.
“ You know what,” everyone stared at Katie. “ I think I’ve made a mistake in coming here. So, I guess I’m outta here.” She stood up.
“ No one leaves, Katie Dianne.” Mysh barked at her. “ Sit down.”
She glared at her and followed.
“ Apologize to Ms. Chevogn, Katie.” Myshcka turned to her again. Her face painted bewilderment—no, she was feeling a little humiliated.
“ Katie, she’s really very nice and…” It was Danie.
“ I don’t need your opinion, Danie.” Then she turned towards Myshcka, “ You’re wrecking my brains, Myshcka. Why would I do that? I’m sitting here to…”
This conversation would be worse off if I wouldn’t knock off both of the two.
“ No, really.” I held my hand to stop them both. “ There’s nothing to apologize for.” I turned to Katie. “ I apologize for this sudden abrupt commotion. I’ll just leave so you can continue on with…”
“ No one leaves the premises.” To my surprise, it was Katie who interrupted my apology. “ I cannot let you make me the antagonist here. Return to your seat.” She glared at me. “ Okay, I’m sorry. Can we just forget about it?” She folded her arms.
“ Yes. Oh, Yes, I’m glad to.” I said to her and beamingly smiled at her.
A surge of happiness crept on my heart. It was warm. Then came to a conclusion, I can win the game that I have created.
“ Okay, that feels much better. I’m glad that everyone is alright.” Myshcka turned to me then stared at Suichiro, “ Right, Fukusawa?”
“ Um, yeah.” he nodded.
“ May I favorably ask what you shall have as a course?” I asked them with a smile.
“ Oh, please.” Katie rolled her eyes. Not knowing what I did, I kept on smiling at them.
“ Katie, behave yourself.” Danie warned her. “ Cathrine, I told you to drop that noblesse thing. Why do you speak so noble?” Danie’s stare stunned me.
I blinked.
“ Oh, no, no, no…” Danie’s eyes stared in horror.
Three pairs of eyes set on my shocked face.
“ Don’t tell me, my conclusions are right?” Danie was still on me.
Say something, Cathrine. No, no words had escaped from my lips. I couldn’t find my voice.
It was Katie who voiced out. “ Gracefully laden walk, straightly standing out or sitting down on crowd, voice that rings, white as snow, beaming eyes, red lips, noble words that escaped from your lips and wisdom that surpasses even to this guy here, you couldn’t be a vampire, are you?”
I held my breath.
“ Yes, I could have said that as well, Katie. But, she doesn’t have fangs.” Danie was more mesmerized.
What an odd little friends I had.
“ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.” Myshcka laughed hysterically.
“ Are we correct?” Danie asked again.
I let a soft laugh.
“ What have you two been reading lately?” Myshcka was still laughing.
“ We’re wrong?” Both of them chorused.
“ I’m no vampire.” I laughed at the sound of it.
“ Could you have a thought realistic than those?” Myshcka added.
“ That makes my theory correct and possible.” All of us stared at Fukusawa who made a face.
I wonder what fictional character he has just came up.
“ Let’s hear it out, Fukusawa.” I told him.
“ Are you related to some Aristocrat Belleva’s perhaps?”
I laughed. “ Not that I heard them of.” I answered.
“ I will know soon.” He replied.
“ You can try and try but you can’t get to it.” I stood up and went to the counter.
I would be more fascinated if his guess was little bit more creative.
Vampire? Do I look like one? I pursed a soft laugh.
“ Here you go.” I served them Rosa Jelly. “ They don’t really serve any dinner meals, might as well we can dine somewhere? I’ll be the one who’ll be responsible for everyone.”
All of them stared at each other.
“ How about your place?” It was Katie who answered.
My eyes widened. Can’t they think of any place?
“ Name any place. Five-star, anywhere.” I told them in desperation. No, not in my home. I can’t let them—even Fukusawa
“ Your place.” Katie insisted.
I looked at Myshcka. She was anxious. “Katie you might seem not to see a common people’s house, don’t you?”
“ I changed my mind.” She answered without hesitation. “ A trip to your place might sound more interesting than with all of the high-class places around.”
“ That sounds good too.” Danie agreed.
“ Your place is small and neat.” Katie entered the house as soon as I got them in.
The place was rather small—she was right but neatly perfected for an ambush like this.
“ You’re a modernist.” She said too as if she was an inspectorate or something. Modern Mediterranean house this is.
“ You live here alone?” Danie asked.
“ Yes. I do.” I told them.
“ But you’re a girl.” It was Fukusawa this time.
I forgot that part. “ Uhm, my…my… my aunt came to see me all the time.” I bit my lip.
“ Fukusawa’s protective, huh?” Myshcka eyed him.
“ Are you this person here?” Katie was on the stairs.
“ Uhm, yeah.” I answered. She won’t let go until she convinces herself in whatever her delusions might be.
“ Katie, come back here.” Myshcka called her.
I got myself in a lot of trouble.
“ Anyone wants to have drinks?” I asked them.
“ Just some cold drinks you have in your fridge.” Danie said as she sat on the living room.
“ Uhm, I don’t have any preserved drinks.” I answered.
Katie’s brows met. “ What do you mean?”
“ I don’t drink canned liquids or sodas. I made my own drinks.” I answered.
“ You’re unbelievable.” Danie nodded.
“ How about some smoothies?” Katie said.
“ Preferably what flavour?” I promptly asked them.
“ Mine’s Cherry Mint.” Myshcka answered.
“ Can we ask for any flavours?” Danie asked.
I nodded.
“ Berry Anglais and if there’s a…” Katie hesitated for a moment there. “ No, that’s impossible.” She murmured herself. “ Uhm, just some…”
“ You want Berry Anglais with Rogue Whip.” Then I turned to Fukusawa. “ And how about you?”
“ French Citrus Lavender Smoothie.”
“ Just Earl Grey Tea.” Myshcka prompted.
“ Okay. How about dinner?” I asked again.
“ You know what? I’m having this feeling of weirdness about you.” Katie spoke again. “ Can we just follow you around the house or your kitchen?”
“ My home is not a monster house that you would read on R.L Stine or Anne Rice or that Meyer-woman. But sure you can.” I smiled at her and shook my head.
The four of them sat around the table watching as I prepare those drinks they have asked.
“ Where did you get these ingredients?” It was Katie again.
“ Oh, I had lots of fruit stocks in my cold-room.”
“ Cold room?” Katie jumped off on her feet.
“ Oh, this fridge thing as what everyone calls them so.” I answered as I was pouring the mint and cherry gratin.
“ I see.” She sat down again. “ You cook yourself?”
“ Yes.”
“ Really? That’s unusual.” It was she again
“ There’s nothing unusual with that, right?”
“ Ah, yeah. I supposed so. Commoners know how to…”
“ Katie!” I heard Mysh and Danie called her.
“ It’s all right.”
There was silence. I was enjoying myself with the girls as a company but watching the man with us, it made myself quite anxiety but no, I might as well worried about nothing, nothing at all.
“ Ms. Chevogn?” It was Katie again.
“ Please call me Cathrine.” I told them.
“ Oh, okay. Cathrine, would you mind if I ask a question?”
“ Yes.”
“ Why did you transfer school?”
I was silent. I should have answered this straightly.
“ Uhm, it’s quite complicated to answer that. Let’s just say that I want to have a new milieu.”
“ France is a good place for an education.” It was Fukusawa who answered.
“ Why do you think so?” Myshcka asked him.
“ People are well-versed and has the wide knowledge when it comes to education.”
“ Are you going there when you’re in college?” Mysh asked again.
I waited for his reply. Did he really want to go there? I think so, too. He was well versed on his knowledge about France these past days.
But he didn’t answered.
“ I’m done.”
“ You do?” the girls chorused.
I went towards the table and served them the smoothies they asked for.
“ Wow.” Katie beamed.
“ Apology for the hoer’s d oeuvres.”
The dinner was well done. Everyone was on the living room while I exclude myself to clean the kitchen.
“ Hey, thank you for the dinner. It was wonderful. I’ve never eaten such a good food like that even in a five-star restaurant or the finest chef. You are really great.” It was Fukusawa. He followed me on the kitchen.
“ I’m glad everyone liked it.” I said.
“ Can we be friends?”
I looked at him.
Tell me, I’m just having this terrible unconscious thinking—a dream or a hallucination. But, I’m not. His dazzling, sweet and gentle smile—all this things are like nightmares—but good and memorable nightmares—the one that you wanted to dream and haunt you again and again.
And I heard myself, “ Yes. I want everyone to be my friends.” And smiled in return.
“ Thanks. You need help?” he asked wearing the same smiled he had pursed earlier.
“ I’m almost done.” I took the glasses and slid it inside the cupboard room.
“ Hey Cathrine, come up here. Let’s have a fun talk.” Katie was smiling.
I pursed a smile. I was happy to think that I’ve got myself in a circle and for the hope that I can thrive and win this out. And only it could be perfected in the days to come.
“ Yeah, sure, I’ll finish this down.”
“ You won friends.” He noticed it as well.
“ I am glad.” I answered. “ Let’s get back to them. Here are some praline pecans while we have some talks.”
“ Oh, great.”
We stalked back towards the living room.
“ Here you go.” He offered me an empty chair.
“ Thanks.” I prompted.
“ You two are having a great time back there, huh?” Danie greeted.
“ Oh, we’re just having a small conversation. What are you up to here?” I asked them.
“ Uhhhm….” Katie thought and answered beamingly. “ Boys!”
“ Oh, no.” Danie, Myshcka and Fukusawa cried in disappointment.
“ And who is?” I asked unknowingly. “ Your man of love?”
“ Ew!” Katie hissed.
Danie and Myshcka laughed.
“ Did I say something bad about it.” I was confused.
“ We’re talking ‘bout this only girl here.” Katie gestured Fukusawa.
He was perplexed.
“ Gossiping?” He asked.
“ Maybe.” Katie was whining around. “ It’s just a theory so don’t mind about it.”
“ You’re fascinating, Katie. You’re a reader as well.” I smiled at her.
Katie raised her brow. “ Reader?”
“ Oh, psychology calls it, emotional reader.” I answered.
“ Ohhh.” She cried.
“ You know people have different gifts. Each has their own.” I said.
Suddenly, Fukusawa’s phone rings. He excused himself and privately talked to the caller and after a while, he bids farewell. So, the four of us remained.
“ Are you really not a vampire?” Katie broke the silence.
“ No, dear.” I answered promptly.
“ Katie just drop that subject.” Myshcka shot a glance at her.
Katie took a sigh. “ Okay. But tell me, how common are you?”
So, she hasn’t given up the course.
“ Katie,” I looked for her eyes. “ What is it that you have against a common person?”
She took her eyes off mines.
“ I can’t see any reason why you would deliberately despise a person who is a commoner.” I saw a flicker of irritation on her eyes. “ Would you let me know about it and I’ll tell you a secret of mine.”
“ There’s nothing to tell.” She said. “ Just don’t do something greedy out of this.”
Greedy? Her words hit home. Why was I being here? As a matter of fact, they are my whims. My ulterior motive coming here was greed—a personal satisfaction.
“ Judging by it, I could see that someone betrayed your trust, some commoners, isn’t it?”
“ You have no right to discuss about this as if you knew everything!” Her voice soared up as she stood up against me.
“ I may not know what is it, but you are taken aback by the guilt and hatred. Past is past. You cannot devote yourself to be eaten up by your own past. For the sake of your life, learn from it and let it go.” I told her calmly. “ You are only ruining yourself…”
She stood up as her face was flushed with anger, regret, humiliation and pains. I could see her unwillingness to stay on with her own predicament. She took her bag and went to the door.
“ Katie,” I called her. “ You know my place, visit me and let me know. I might help you along the way. And I am grateful to have you here in my noble home.”
She didn’t look back.
The next days around my academy were no more than the same as my first day. Scorn and spite were my morning welcome. And if looks could kill I would have sent to morgue.
I sighed and took my eyeglasses. I was on the library, sitting afar from everybody else. I secluded myself but heaven forbids, few students were walking towards my direction.
“ Why are you still here?” A red haired student spatted my table.
I took off my eyeglasses and stared at her. “ I came here for a sole purpose and that is education.” And turned to the books I was reading before.
With exasperation she turned to the book and pulled it apart. “ How dare you look towards unnecessary things when I was talking to you.” Her brows met in hatred, humiliation and scorn.
“ You call that unnecessary?” I said in a calm voice. “ May I suggest to remind you that you don’t disregard the things that are valuable to a person’s existence.”
“ A person exists for his sole life.” She said mockingly.
“ Indeed, but what kind of life you have to live by? Unethical? Or immoral perhaps?”
“ And you call me insults?”
“ I do not insult you. I apologize if that is the suggested words you have created for yourself.”
The student raised her hand. It was not difficult to read her actions and before her hands could kiss my cheeks, I took it.
“ Oh no you don’t. No one does that to me. And I do not allow it. Be decent enough, if I were your family, you are a disgrace.” I put down her arm and walk away.
Cathrine, your patience. You are slow to anger remember. I closed my eyes and tried to compose myself.
As soon as I turned the doorknob, water splashed from my head. It was cold enough to give me a shiver. Why do I need to suffer this?
Everyone present on the library was laughing hysterically. I look like an idiot. This is humiliating.
“ That deserves you, cheap social git.” A student said and was laughing frantically looking more idiot than me.
“ Go home and be a flea marketer. “ A heard another student.
A tomato landed on my shoulder. And more of it shot in the air. Instinctively, I covered up my face and my head.
I could hear the mockery of many spoiled brats. Laughing at me, taunting and looked at me as if I’m a laughing stock, pity me and hated me at the same time. I was still six back then.
“ A bastard in the family of nobles!” and a girl shot me with glass of wine in the face. It dripped down my face. I was more humiliated. I wanted to run and cry but I couldn’t move an inch from where I stood up.
“ Stop it,” A boy came beside and his cold eyes were igniting flames. He was angry. “ I would never allow you to spite her. You can leave this place and I would not want to see you step here.” The girl made a face and left.
He took a sigh. And turned to me wearing his warm smile but seeing how messy and unglamored I am, the angered seethed on his face. Then he abruptly turned to the crowd.
“ You call yourself noble?” His cold eyes shot the crowd a moment of freeze. “What is it that you have against this young lady? You aren’t as much as of her. Not an inch like her. With a rotten attitude and a despicable spirit, who says you are noble enough? You dress fancy garments and adore yourself with gold and wealth but you stink like rotten garbage—ready to dispose at any rate. You were the one to be a shame among the nobles.”
His words echoed the whole place like a thunder and no one can stop him. Instantly, I reached for him. My hands were shaken. I’m glad he was there for me but a person’s humiliation was enough damage for the night.
But he wasn’t here. He wasn’t here by my side anymore.
And with all my might, I caught the tomato aimed on my face. With anger, I took it off in my fist—crushed and throw it aside.
“ How noble are you as your words could describe the way you trample over a commoner?” Tomatoes were flying towards my direction as I caught it single-handedly and heatedly crush it. My temper was at its brim.
“ Nobles are born out of their bloods and not earned.” I heard an answer.
How far does these goes on?
“ You foolish and arrogant people!” I pointed them. “ How long will each of you believe the lies in yourself? You call yourselves nobles? Yet acts like those ingrate and lowly lives? You are worse than a brood of vipers—hypocrite and evil.”
“ How dare you to insult us?”
I let a soft laugh and glared sharply at her. “ Insult? Aren’t I being insulted here? So you’ve come to say the words that you’ve scorned me? Don’t turn up the table. You’ve come here to an academy to say… what? Education? Learning? Knowledge? Skilled? All of them were products of earning by strength and wisdom. Earn.” I emphasized the last words. “ You noble-proclaimed people earn being noble to fit and survive. I say, it is a lineage but called to be a bastard among those nobles who aren’t fit to become one. Nobles, you call yourself, but aren’t aristocrats to belong to. Society wouldn’t handpicked the likes of you. As a matter of fact, the likes of you are a shame to their own kin. “
“ Then, do we deserve being noble?”
“ No, you don’t.” I answered quickly. More murmurs followed. “ It is an undeserved favor for you. It is by grace that you’ve possessed such an enormous wealth. Grace that each of us does not deserved.”
“ Then why are we branded as nobles?”
“ It is only by name that we are called to be nobles. Only by name—label, as to the simplest idea to call. Out of your heart comes the true noblest person and not by wealth possessed. Wealth isn’t the yardstick here. The spirit, the heart and the inner self—makes you noble. So, how dare you—people, call yourselves noble when the yardstick of being a noble do not suffice your existence. Neither the commoner nor the rich men are fit to call themselves noble. No one.”
With the back of my hand, I swept off the tomatoes from my uniform.
I never thought that this place is worse than a place for swine—full of brains infested with worms. Disgusting. And I wonder why I landed at the place like this. I flee from a place that is exactly the same but I landed on a place worse than the first.
Before I could turn at the Academy Park, seven ladies came in.
“ Pardonne ami, Mademoiselle. Should we take action for the…”
“ It is not needed. Go back. I don’t need any of you.”
“ But…”
“ No buts…I want to be alone.” I raised my hand. My patience broke off already and I didn’t want to make thing worst.
Grace? Did I really say that word? I sneered at the idea. Just as I am, I didn’t deserve this but it has to be this way. I lived this life full of graces and I didn’t know how to be grateful enough.
I smiled and a faded memory of a woman flickered on my head.
“ Bonjour. The table awaits.”
The warm rays of the sun greeted me.
I am in Japan. I thought to myself. I slowly sat on the bed and let my eyes wander around the room I was in.
It only took a single word to sulk in the bright morning. Grand.
“ Why does it has to be like this?” I eyed her.
“ It is the uttermost request.”
“ No, please.” My tone dropped. “ Let there be a commoner room or a house.”
Such a waste to destroy. “ We have to take precautionary measures, just in case.”
“ Yes. We understand. Please get yourself ready.”
Spring—the day of my first school at East Royal International Academy. I’ve heard of the school—elite, influential, wealthy and royals were the students in there. I thought I got to find a decent school than this.
I took a breath. “ Please leave me alone.” The ladies were tailing me.
As soon as I heard the car away from me, I felt relieve. I walked towards the academy grounds.
Exquisite. Not bad after all.
The murmurs started as soon as I entered the grounds. Everyone was talking behind me more or less mystified by my presence.
“ You think she’s something?” I heard a girl.
Probably a little lie wouldn’t harm or pretending that is. After all, I came here as that would be my weapon.
Classes were about to start and I walked towards the first class I am in—Language class. I stood near the door waiting for the teacher to arrive.
I’ve seen familiar faces. Sons and daughters of wealthy people were my supposed to be classmates. I don’t want to have any conflicts or any exposure among this class but then, there might be.
Italy’s Mayor’s daughter was among them—a good old comrade, Myshcka Demoure. She was explicitly beautiful, the same face the last time I’ve seen her around. Much as to my surprise, a man was walking towards this direction.
It cannot be him.
The last person I wouldn’t want to see. Except for the hair and his eyes, he was the same person a night ago. Why was I being hunt down with the same face? Numbness crept on my body.
And I heard myself. “ I miss you.” I closed my eyes and took a long sigh.
A braided girl walked down to my direction. She seems to be another person of this class. Her head held high. She seems to be anxious.
“ Are you in this class?” My voice was off.
She nodded. I studied her face. I cannot be mistaken—A Shein descendant.
I smiled at her and introduced myself.
“Danielle Shein.” She introduced herself. I pursued a smile as I stared her get inside the room. Not a minute passed, the teacher came and gestured himself to let me come inside.
I introduced myself to everyone and as expected from the lowly wisdom implanted among them, the very thing that I tried to outrun came as a major necessity among them.
At the tip of my sight, Ms. Demoure stood up. She cleared her throat and was ready to bring to a halt among a girl’s wrong impression on me. She was ready to introduce me. It was my cue.
“ Pardon Mademoiselle, please.” I looked at her eyes—conversing, being able to let her join on my little game.
If they were not willing enough to go with the flow, I would not take the risk of being bolder. I must leave, if this was the only way to protect what I want to fund for myself. I cannot let them barge in or ruin the things I wanted to create.
I clenched my bag then I heard myself saying, “ If my presence is a bother to everyone, I deeply apologize for the commotions.”
I must leave in an instance. I turned to Ms. Demoure. I will speak to her later. “ You’re really nice. Thank you for defending me but I can’t allow you.”
I turned to the teacher. “ Monsieur, I want to see the Academy President.”
“ I deeply apologize, but it is the request of the President that you be in this class. Please sit down beside Mr. Fukusawa’s table.” He gestured the unoccupied table beside the person I’ve met earlier.
He can’t really be him. He can’t be. And I have no option as well or rather, no choices that is. I walked towards the empty table as the lesson started.
Uneasiness gave me anxiety. I am aware by the commotion earlier and perhaps the words and the whispers were still alive. But no, a pair of eyes is giving me ghost bumps. I tilted my head to the person sitting beside me.
He has chocolate brown eyes and with long lashes that makes him identical. He blinked and as soon as he opened it, he was glaring—fiery. I was staggered.
Did I offend him?
“ I’m sorry.” I said to him and went back to hear out the lesson.
The class was no more interesting than my previous education. I took a sigh, got my bag and went out.
So this is what it feels to be on a crowded school—on a real school. And just like any other education I had, I was nothing but alone—on my own self with no one to confide, to rely and to talk to. I let a smile pursed on my lips.
Why did I end up being in this kind of circumstance? This is what I’ve decided so I must stick with it—endure it. After all, at all cost, everything must be endurable whether you are at your limitations. There are no choices. It is the only option you had.
“ Hi.” A voice called upon me.
I looked up and smiled. It was Shein earlier.
“ Don’t be intimidated with our classmates. They are just worse than that of socially inclined people.”
She spoke as if she too was repugnant among the vile manners of the students in our class.
“ Is being wealthy the standard of today’s people?” I asked her.
She thought about it.
“ For some it is. Look around you, wealth is people’s necessity like air. You can’t live without them.”
Yes, people view it like that—a necessity, their life—the only nutrients that keeps them being alive.
“ And I believe it is also one of your ideology—your taciturn of life.” I looked at her.
“ It wasn’t until now. People held up those wealth because they haven’t experienced being one with it—lived before or the effect of their own milieu.” That was a very rare answer indeed. No one reasons out just like her.
“ And you think, wealthy is being uncanny?” I asked her again. I was eager to hear her fascinating reasoning towards me.
“ Yes. It’s been hard around to be able to have a tail of those labels around you. You felt yourself obligated when in fact you don’t want to, chained like a prisoner and even if they tried to, there isn’t liberty. You’ll have them until death knocks on your door.”
I smiled at her. She had the faintest idea of my own reasoning—such bold and subtle ideas, plain but rather evidently the root of today’s century.
“ You have a good sense of perspectives.” I said to her.
“ You think I do?” She was assuring. Is she not sure about her views of life?
“ I do.” I assured her. “ We have the same views but none was ever to grasp the truth behind it.”
No one did except her. This made me fascinated about her. She was no more than simple—but no one has seen she was more intricate yet her face resound of placidness. Though her smiles gave warmth to someone like me who has a cold heart, her emotions are easily read. “ Perhaps, people, though wanting to be freed doesn’t have the heart to be free at all. For if they want, their choice would lit up the fire to pin down what they are fighting for.”
I took a deep breath. I could feel she too, studies myself.
“ Sorry about my classmates earlier. I believe that the President has his own reason why you came to our class. Please cheer up now.” She was cheering me up. My heart suddenly leap—such rare people to dig in my world, she’s exceptional. She reads what I’m feeling
“ Thank you. You are so kind to me though I am a stranger to you. You have a good heart.” I smiled at her.
Our conversation was interrupted. Ms. Demoure was standing behind us. She can’t maybe tell others about me.
“ Hi. Thank you so much for defending me though there is something that I need to speak with you.” I had to calm myself.
I was anxious. I swayed Ms. Shein and the conversation has to be in accordance of my plan.
It went smoothly but she was hesitating. She didn’t fully understand the change that I wanted to have. She wouldn’t understand even if I tried her to make it up to me or make her realize that it is the most important thing to me.
I know my earnest pleading looked me idiot and this is not supposed to be my actions but I’ve got to try. I’ve got to earn her.
“Okay. But, we’ll try. No promises about it, though.” I heard her. My heart suddenly took a leap of joy.
I hugged her just like old times. “ Thank you so much. I’ll definitely pay your kindness back.” Just like old times when both of us were comrades. “ Thank you. And also, I want to become your friend.”
“ Yes.” She answered and smiled.
And just like the old times, I introduced myself to her but she was the same—the polite little girl who address me by my full name.
We parted.
My feet lead me to a Café Inn. I heard the tingling sound of the chimes and the warm welcome of the workers greeted me.
“ Hello.” I smiled at them. A girl came towards me and took off my school coat. “ You are very nice. Thank you.” I told her promptly.
“ Are you new here?” She asked me.
“ Yes, I am.” I wandered around to find a vacant place. Fortunately there was.
“ What can I get you?” she asked back.
“ Do you have Cappuccino Latte?”
“ Indeed. I’ll get you. How about any hor’s d oeuvres?”
“ That will compliment.” I smiled at her and sat down.
The place was no more than a warm and welcoming home. A man of sixties came from the kitchen.
I let a laugh and stood up and walk towards him. After all this years, “ Bonjour Monsieur Dujard. Strawberries are in wild bloom. Is there any possibility that you mind making me one of those rare Strawberry Parfait with Honey and Vanilla?”
His head looked up with amazement.
“ Impossible!” he exclaimed.
I smiled earnestly, “ It is possible.”
His eyes beamed and took my hand. “ It is you. Pardone ami Mademoiselle. Pardonne.”
“ It’s okay. It’s okay.” I assured him so as not to be conspicuous to the other students inside.
“ Mizuki, bring the finest gourmet I’d finish a while ago.” He barked at the girl I met earlier.
He hurriedly went aboard the counter. “ I can’t believe it.”
“ Me too, Monsieur.” I smiled again.
We talked about the times we’ve shared and the things we’ve grown apart.
“ I really apologize for talking casually at you.” He said out of nowhere.
“ It’s fine. I intend casualties and plain and simple today.” I finished the parfait he had made me. “ Ah, the same exquisite taste.”
“ You could’ve done better than that.” He complimented.
“ Yours cannot be compared. A student cannot be higher than her own mentor.”
“ And you are an exemption.”
I smiled.
“ Pardon me for asking but why did you decided to left?” he asked me.
I took a deep breath. “ Monsieur, you said I am an exemption. I was not more than happy by what they have funded me for but I was not in absolute state of my existence if I don’t do the things everyone is doing. I want to have a change.”
“ You’re putting yourself in danger.”
I was staggered. He sounded more seriously like I was about to be in the pit of grave danger. I shrugged at the idea of it and continue with our conversation.
“ This academy is different. Your ideology might have been stained or at least you’ll be having second thoughts but more probably it will change your outlook.”
I shook my head. “ No, it wouldn’t make me one. They are the ones to be changed. This place is pathetic when you look at it with your own naked eye but deeper in its soul, there is more than that. Like the spring—the three seasons came—tarnished the world, empty it and let it alone by, but it comes back like a new life that sprung—newer, better and stronger. It’s still the same but in different season.”
“ With all you had, I know you could be triumphant. Such rare of you.” He said. “ I’ll let you alone for a while.” He stood up and walked back to the kitchen.
My phone rang.
“ Bonjour.” I took it.
“ How was my daughter?”
It was Father—it was unexpected for him to call me.
“ What is it that I heard that you didn’t introduce yourself properly?” He’s being infuriated.
“ This is part of our agreement, Father.” I had to sound calm to him.
“ But that is preposterous! This is getting out of your bounds. Have some shame on the family!” His voice is soaring.
“ No. Do not interfere with it. I told you this is part of the agreement.”
“ Then, you’re going back in an instance.”
This is getting out of hand. I’ve let him reach his own limits.
“ You agreed. You promised!” I reasoned out with him.
“ Then act like you are.”
“ Father, you cannot let me. I’m sorry but all will be in accordance to my own will. That is what we have agreed. No one has to interfere. This only last for two years.”
I’ve said what he needs to hear— to let him calm down. We’ve argued a million times yesterday and the other day before.
“ I’m warning you. I will not tolerate any of your misbehavior.”
“ I’m old enough to take care of myself.”
There was silence.
“ Did he come by?” I asked him.
Why would I still bother? Why?
Shards of glasses were being streaked on my chest. Of all the questions, why did I still have to bother? Or ask? Or care about him?
“ Yes. He was miserable.” Father’s tone dropped off. “ Is there any thing that I might be able to help both of you?”
“ Miserable? I suppose you got it all wrong, Father.”
I laughed mockingly at the idea. That’s not supposed to be what he’s feeling right now.
“ No, dear. I read it on his eyes. I believe it’s all a misunderstanding. You have jumped into a wrong conclusion.”
“ I can’t be wrong, Father.” I insisted.
“ You two have a lot of things to talk about.”
“ No, you don’t have to tell me where I am.”
I don’t want to see him despite my longing.
“ I’m afraid that’s too late.”
Shaking, I turned off the end button.
He can’t be. He’ll ruin it. Why does he have to come back?
“ Are you okay?” A voice drifted the realization I would be having. I glanced at it. My seatmate from the earlier class was standing beside me.
“ Yes, I’m all right. Thank you for the concern.” I guaranteed him and looked away.
“ That’s better.” He pursed his lip. He didn’t walk away.
“ Do you need anything?” I asked him.
“ Oh, no.” he denied. “ There’s nothing.”
“ I see.” My only replied and looked at my foot.
“ Actually there is.”
I held my head high, wondering about a passive conversation again.
“ I’m supposed to take you a tour around the grounds.”
“ Is it necessary?” I asked him quickly. I was tired enough to walk a little further—no, the arguments my Father and I had made me restless.
“ I’m afraid it is. The President requested me to do so.” He said. He was looking kind of bored and he was probably hesitant about this.
“ Thank you, but if it would be a bother you, I can explain myself to the President. You don’t have to do this.” I calmly told what he wanted.
“ I cannot disobey the President’s request.” He answered.
I know he’s not going to let it a go so I stood up and followed him.
He had a good physique, tall about an inch ahead of me.
“ I…I am…” Was he having a hard time talking? I smiled.
“ Fukusawa Li, aren’t you?” I told him his name.
“ I… yeah.” he answered. “ I am Li Fukusawa.” He held his hand.
I shook it. “ Cathrine Chevogn.”
Quite true, I am Cathrine Chevogn, half French and half Japanese. I decided to take a bolder step—to outrun the European world I lived. I sought to came to Japan a day ago—it was a quick decision for me but in the days to come, I will live among it.
His hand was warm unlike mine’s cold and dainty hands. I took off my hand and continued walking with him.
“ Why did you transfer school?” he then asked.
I didn’t know how to answer. Then he added, “ Your parents are working here?”
I laughed at the words he said.
“ Am I wrong? What’s funny.”
“ Nothing. Sorry for my rudeness. I just want a new ambience and milieu for my education.”
“ You don’t like France?”
“ No, that wasn’t what I meant. I just want some few changes.” How can I be so carefree talking to him?
“ I see.” He took a breath. “ Earlier, when you meant as average girl, what do you mean by that?”
This leads me back again for the same conversation I had with Ms. Shein and Ms. Demoure—reasoning and ideologies of wealth.
“ Were the poor students banned to enter this academy?” I asked him.
“ But this is an expensive school—no scholarship like normal academies or any assistance to give the students.” He reasoned out.
“ I quite understand—every student here are the same—lusting for their own sake, guts, glory, fame and wealth. Even the ideologies of the student are the same—wealth. Is that the standard of every person who resides here?”
I was getting annoyed.
“ They are not the same, Ms. Chevogn.”
“ Then tell me your ideology might as well, I had to be corrected.” I smiled.
“ There are two types of people—one is the superior and the other are the inferior ones. We comprise at the superior but being outnumbered by the inferior ones. We had become like this to maintain the balance of nature but they are growing and fast, leaving us behind a parcel of number. I am not to speak that eradicating them is the best idea—they are human composed of dignity and emotions, but having a total outlook of the world we have been given the responsibility of nurturing them—the reason why we also need to nurture ourselves. The balance of nature must remain—having the same labels of our existence.”
“ Fascinating, but you missed it.” I looked upon him. His face draws confusion. “ You are setting a standard above your races—the standard of being superior. But how do you know that they are inferior and you are superior? Is it not measured by materialistic wealth or the glory your race had? This is not racism, of course, but an understanding. You cannot call yourself rich unless you have been poor enough.” I paused. “ I regret to say, that I would not take back my word to judge this place—always and has been. Wealth is the standard and will always be.”
“ No.” he cut me off. “ When I entered this place, I swore to make amendments of the standards here.”
“ Two years was long enough to change it, but still it hasn’t began. You’ve wasted too much of your time, Monsieur. If that was your before-principle, then this place has already changed you to become part of its own manipulation.”
He was bewildered at my claim on him. He’s weighing his own options and his actions.
“ Thank you for walking together with me but I think you have so much things to ponder on.” I told him, bowed gently and walked away.
The day almost wore me off. I was tired to have another arguments—pathetic and nonsense. I climbed up on a buildings rooftop to ease some good freshness without bothering me.
But even to my surprise, a despairing scene welcomed me. A braided young girl gushed her tears and it flowed like rivers.
Tears.
No. I must not see tears. I clenched my fist to overrule my emotions. This was also what I was running away—the dripping tears on my face, the same feeling the girl is having.
This would be the sensation I should have been, let my emotion draw on me. But no, I’ve got to fight and learn to suppress my emotions and master over it.
“ Don’t cry.” I told her like I was also comforting myself—a warning for me.
But if my feelings were heavy such as this, will I be able to still say, ‘don’t cry.’
Sometimes, all you need is to let it flow—let it come and when you’re satisfied you can let go of it. You knew that you have overcome it—winning over it.
